Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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