i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
