Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
