That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
