i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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