that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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