I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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