hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize