its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
