i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please, let me fuck your mom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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