I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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