well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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