I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
