I wish I could punch you in the face.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
