lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
