If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
