She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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