guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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