wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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