How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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