I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
