this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"