I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.