I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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