He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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