you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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