I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
