listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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