my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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