I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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