If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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