Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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