It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
