this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
