I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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