as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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