So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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