you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
