Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We left the knife in your bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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