Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
