what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
