Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to cum in my sink.
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