Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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