she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
