My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
