Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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