I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
