I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
