i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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