i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
