Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
