my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
