i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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