We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
