Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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