can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
