I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
