I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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