He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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