what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
