Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
