Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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