this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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