i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
