She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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