He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
