I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The ass gains better be worth it
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