I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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