There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
