i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
