If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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