True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
be right there i have to get my cape
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
