I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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