I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
