So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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