haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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