She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
