1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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