Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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