he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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